I’ll be honest-I’m not thrilled by the unexpected. I wouldn’t say surprises are my favorite. I don’t always like that about myself, but it’s true. I’d rather be the one planning a surprise for someone else than the one on the receiving end. I’d prefer to know things ahead of time. I like knowing intentions. I like to know what to expect. Having a plan is comforting to me. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. A fact that I know well, yet somehow still manage to be surprised by. I try to tell myself that I like change. Some seasons in life feel endless, and discontentment creeps in. In those times, I tell myself I can’t wait for change. I can’t wait for something new. But what I’m really thinking is- I want change according to my plan. I want something new, exactly how I want it. I’m ready for the next part of life, as long as it’s what I was expecting. Bring on the next step, as long as it's a part of my plan. As I’m sure you are aware, this rarely works out. And doesn’t lead to peace. It leads to even more discontentment. Because I’m not in control. My plans never work out perfectly. Often not at all. Things fall apart. Change comes in a way I don’t anticipate. The unexpected just keeps on happening. What do we do when something we never saw coming hits us hard? What do we do when our plan falls apart? When the yes that we were hoping for turns out to be a no. When the new happens, but not the new that we wanted. Often in those circumstances, my natural inclination is: Fight it. Try to fix it. Try to plan things right back to how you wanted them. Strategize. Overthink it. Dwell on it. Overthink it some more. Let anxiety take over. Thankfully, God knows me so well. Thankfully, He pursues my anxious-planning-overthinking heart. Almost always in those circumstances, two words keep weighing on my heart. This is especially true in this season of my life. It’s like a gentle nudging that interrupts my anxiety: Let go. I’m not always a fan of those words. Letting go does not come naturally to me. If it does to you, let’s talk 'cause I could use some assistance in that area. If you're naturally a go-with-the-flow kinda person.....help a girl out. It sounds like something that should be effortless, but I have to work hard at it. But when I finally release my hold, there is always a peace that comes. Maybe not at first, but eventually. This was true after a loss in my life. When I finally surrendered my need to fully understand, peace came. It was true after I didn’t get accepted to the first nursing school I applied to. It's been true with little disappointments and big heartbreak. It’s been true countless times. Of course, when that unexpected thing happens, there will still be initial surprise and disappointment. I'm not saying it won't be hard. There will likely be anxiety. Probably overthinking. Possibly some hurt. Maybe even a little anger. I can’t take a detour around that part of the process. But I can decide to not dwell there. I can feel those feelings, process them, and then let them go. I can surrender my hold on that circumstance. I can stop overthinking. I can let go. I can stop knocking on doors that are closed to me, and walk through the ones that are open. I can choose to take it to God- continuously. Especially in the beginning, when I’m in the midst of the mess and emotion. He doesn’t get annoyed by my need for Him. I can choose to pursue Him instead of fighting against the unexpected. He can handle our anxiety. He can handle our confusion and frustration. He can handle our hurt. He is the constant when life feels messy and unpredictable. He is the safe place when it feels like things are crashing down. He is steadfast. I have to remind myself that His plan is bigger and better than I could ever imagine. He's constantly working in ways I'm not aware of. He works all things for my good, even when it doesn't feel so good in the moment. Because of Him, we can face that unexpected thing with bravery.
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Hey there, I'm Courtney.
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