Dear one,
This letter may find you in the midst of the storms of grief. I know, personally, what a storm it is. In the first few days or weeks, you might feel like you're living in a bad dream. Things will feel hazy. You'll tune out during conversations, you'll find it hard to focus, you'll go through the motions. You'll listen to every "I'm so sorry for your loss", "They're in a better place", "It'll get better with time". You'll nod appropriately, but deep down you wonder if they understand the depth of the loss you are feeling. You want to tell them that those words mean nothing to you right now, but you won't, because you know it's just what people say. You may not cry at first. You may not cry at the funeral. You may not cry when people expect you to cry. I want you to know that that is okay. Your grief is yours. Everyone grieves in their own way, at their own pace. But please, don't push the tears away. I promise that those tears are a release. Let yourself feel every feeling, even when it feels like too much. Cry as much as you need to. As a the months begin to pass, you'll carry on with the motions of life. You may get fewer people checking on you. The cards and texts of support may start to fade. You'll wonder if you aren't grieving correctly. You'll wonder if you missed some deadline. You'll walk through the grocery store aisles and look at the people around you, assuming their lives are happy and "normal", wishing you could be them. You'll routinely respond "good" to every "how are you" you get during those months. Even though you are, in fact, not good at all. Because now begins adjusting to daily life with a huge absence in your life. Routines will be different. Schedules will be changed. You'll wonder why people fade away after the funeral, because now is when you really need help. The smallest thing may be the most painful. Washing dishes and coming across their favorite cup. Driving when their favorite song comes on the radio. Don't shame yourself for mourning those small moments. They are not small. They're evidence of how deeply you loved and knew that person, all of their little quirks and routines. Then comes the big days- holidays. These will be heavy, there's no way around it. You'll feel lonely during such celebratory times, as everyone around you is anticipatory and joyful. I know, I truly personally know, how much your chest is gonna hurt during those first holidays. I also want you to know that even though you'll feel alone, and you will be grieving your own personal memories and traditions with that person, you are not alone. Lean on family during those times. Cry together, talk together, tell stories together, sit quietly together. I want you to know that there is no schedule to your grief. No "right way" to grieve, no deadlines. Take your time. Be gentle to yourself. I also want you to know that there are other people out there who understand what a devastating loss feels like. I know how alone you will feel, but I promise it's just not true. This will not be easy, and your life may feel forever changed. But please, don't isolate yourself. There will be people who don't fade away after the funeral. There will be people who stick it out. Lean on them. Don't ever take them for granted. There may be some heavy days ahead, but I promise that some light is going to break through. I promise that genuine laughter, excitement, and happiness will come again. Be patient with yourself. This is no easy thing you are doing. Find ways to let some of that heaviness out. Write out your feelings, memories, thoughts. Find a support group. Start new routines. Call that friend on the harder days. Let people support you. Pray hard. Be real with the Lord. He knows your heart, even when you don't know what words to pray. He's there in every moment. While people's words may not feel helpful, you'll find that their presence is truly what is needed. You don't need the "perfect" response or advice. You just need people around you. You just need to know that people are present, alongside you. You just need to know that you aren't alone. Lean on those people, the ones who'll just sit with you. The ones who just want you to know that they are there. They are precious people. Keep going, friend. One day at a time. You aren't going alone. Some light is ahead, even though it may not feel like it now. You are deeply loved, and you are seen.
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Friend, I know exactly how it feels. Something triggers it- maybe it's putting on those jeans, maybe it's a cover on a magazine, maybe it's a missed workout, maybe it's simply standing in front of a dressing room mirror, maybe it's another girl on instagram, maybe it's more clinical if you've struggled with an eating disorder like me. Suddenly your thoughts spiral in a tailspin of negativity. You start to pick yourself apart. You tell yourself lies. You start to talk to yourself in ways you'd never talk to your friend/daughter/mother/sister. You find every inch of your body that is somehow not good enough to you and let unfounded shame swallow you up. I know how it feels. But today I'm here to speak some truth over that. Let's interrupt that cycle with some truths that we've probably heard before, but need to believe again. You are more than a body. Goodness, so much more. You are a beautiful creation of a God who never ever messes up. You've got dreams, talents, gifts, strength, potential, and purpose. Imagine all the energy we could be spending on living a joyful, free life if we weren't allowing those body image lies to take hold. There is abundantly more to you than the size on the tag of your jeans. Interrupt those thoughts. Don't let those lies put down roots. Match each one with truth. You and I were not meant to live under the weight of those lies. We are fully known, fully loved, and set free. Let's walk in that freedom. Let's shift our focus away from our bodies, and onto our purpose. Onto the people around us. Onto being present. Onto living free. I found this quote through Instagram not long ago, and it runs through my head when I feel those lies creeping in. "My body is my home, and I will not tear it down." We only get one body. Let's appreciate it for what it does to keep us going every single day. It's a body that was created on purpose, for a purpose. Let's not tear it down. Recently, I've found myself in more and more conversations about burnout. Most of the time, these chats happen with my school friends. Nursing school will give you all kinds of burnout. But I've also heard from nurses at work, doctors, friends in other majors, teachers etc. Nursing and teaching are two fields in which burnout is especially common. Both professions are very physically and emotionally taxing. Both involve service- putting aside your needs to make the needs of others the priority, day in and day out. Burnout can happen for anyone. College students, I know you hear me. Moms, I'm sure you're feeling it. For me, the service and care aspect of nursing is exactly what draws me. It can also be what steers me right to being burned out if I am not careful. So this post is for you- nursing student, nurse, teaching student, teacher, college student, mom, whoever. This is for the person who just feels done. We can't effectively serve others if we are burned out. It's that whole can't pour from an empty cup thing, ya know? There's a lot of truth there. Let's talk about some ways we can avoid burnout, yes? These are pretty general, and for everyone. So don't tune out if you're not a teacher or a nurse. :) 1. Set Boundaries There's a whole lot of ways to do this one. Fellow students- one way I have set a boundary is by making sure I set aside one day/afternoon/night a week to set aside all school related things, and do something fun. I've got to have that time to recharge and remind myself I'm more than just a nursing student, you know? Try setting aside one time a week that is just for you. I also stop working on anything school related by 9pm. This helps me to decompress from the day and actually get some sleep. Nothing propels me to burnout faster than lack of sleep. I also have tried implementing boundaries with my phone. When I notice social media becoming a negative influence on me, I take a step back and delete the apps for a while. I also know people who have a set time in which they totally stop looking at their phones. Around 8pm, the alarm is set and the phone is out of reach. No work related texts, no school related emails, no mindless scrolling for those set hours. Sounds pretty wise, huh? Maybe a boundary for you means learning how to say no, how to not take on too many things at once. There are so many ways to set boundaries in our lives, and it is such a personal thing. 2. Do a little health inventory. Okay stay with me here. I've learned a few things from seeing a therapist over the years. One of those things is the effects of chronic stress. When we are in a hectic season where everything feels nonstop, it is so easy for us to neglect the most simple aspects of our health. We (without even realizing it usually) shift into survival mode. Every day we function in this haze of stress, crossing off to-do lists and just trying to get it all done. Then we might feel overwhelmed with the idea that we need to do some kind of major thing in order to decrease that stress. I'm not telling you to drop everything and sign up for a month long yoga retreat in the desert. Start with a little inventory. Write these down if it helps. How many hours of sleep are you getting, honestly? If the answer is 5 or less, there's a physiological cause for elevated stress hormone, cortisol. Some may argue with a "Oh I'm fine with like three hours of sleep and a red bull, I'm just that kind of person". Nope. Raise your hand if you are a human. If your hand is raised, your body needs consistent, sufficient sleep to function. Period. Next, what are some practical steps you can take to get more sleep? Try them. Next, are you drinking water throughout the day? Maybe that "stress headache" is being fueled by dehydration. Try this with nutrition and movement too. These are simple things, but they are things that you have control over. 3. Give yourself some grace. I'll make this one short. Stop being so hard on yourself. You are doing your best. You are enough. You are able. Give yourself the same kindness, gentleness, and grace that you'd give your dearest friend. Take a deep breath. You are enough. 4. Get away. Change up your environment. This one is huge for me. I love traveling, and every time I go somewhere new I feel completely refreshed. Our days can get so routine, going to the same places, doing the same things. When we take a little time to explore and be in a new environment, it's like we are pressing a reset button. Over my break I have a short trip to Nashville planned. I have tried to travel somewhere during each of my nursing school breaks. Traveling fills up my heart and makes me feel new. You don't even have to travel anywhere really, just try something new in your own city. A new museum, a new park, a new outdoor activity, etc. Break up your routine and let yourself be curious and adventurous. Go explore a little. You are enough, you are loved, and you are seen. Ok byyee :) |
Hey there, I'm Courtney.
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